All Lists, All the Time: Random Lists of Stuff
November 2005

Favorite Out-of-Context Quotes from Little House on the Prairie:

  1. My baby! My baby! My baby! AAARGH! My baby!
  2. I’m here! I’m here! I’m here! I’m here!
  3. You reap what you sow
  4. Let it out, son! Let it all out!
  5. Nels! Make her a widow!
  6. Them’s snails!
  7. Jezabel! Flauntin' yer flesh in temptation's raiment! You will burn! Oh yes, you will burn!
  8. Monkey business, monkey business, monkey business!
  9. She's a-losin’ her sight
  10. He's quite smitten with me, I'm afraid.
  11. Are you gonna call down the lightning, Miss Peal?!
  12. I swear it to God!
  13. Spectacles for Father.
  14. “ My brother is going to die! Say it!” “My brother’s going to die!”
  15. E-e-e-l-l-l-mer!
  16. That's a real purty blind girl you got, Ingalls. Real purty.
  17. I’m a woman! A WOMAN! And I hate you all!
  18. I call him… Harve. He calls me… Eliza Jane.
  19. You are a sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous.
  20. Open up, boy! Let us see your teeth!
  21. It’s okay Miz Oleson, black folks take baths too!
  22. You a Jezebel, an' worse
  23. Darn fool cow.

‘Fessing to All the Bad, Awful Things I’ve Done

  1. Slapped someone in the face (Stepfather 2, but he smacked me first)
  2. Hit someone upside the head
  3. Stolen/stripped books from work, including a Norton Anthology I needed for class in undergrad
  4. Sold things under the table at work (a pizza, museum admission) for the cash (when I was out of gas and needed gas money, but still!)
  5. Cheated on a history test in high school by writing notes/dates on my hand
  6. Cheated on a geometry test the same way.
  7. Did a last-minute paper for a graduate class on academic semantics mostly from crap I culled from the Internet.
  8. Ditched school once in 11 th grade
  9. Threw a telephone into the wall.
  10. Claimed to have lost a library book and paid the fine in order to keep it
  11. Yelled at a drunk kid at a concert and knocked down his big-ass cups of beer
  12. Returned books to the store for cash when I knew durned well I’d purchased them over a year ago
  13. Used food from the trash can to make a pizza for a particularly hateful customer when I worked at Domino’s
  14. Bounced checks
  15. Had bad credit
  16. Gotten multiple parking tickets (usually in NY or at school)
  17. Quit a temp job once by just not showing up for work
  18. Lied to my mommy about going to a friend’s, and spent the weekend with my h.s.b.f. instead
  19. Punched my rear-view mirror after an altercation with a nasty meter-maid
  20. Stole a cat collar from a stuffed cat at the toy story because I’d bought the same one and it didn’t have a collar! I felt so stricken with guilt, I threw it away in the backyard.
  21. Posted to a relationship message board once claiming to be a psychologist-in-training

Bad and/or Naughty Things I’ve Never Done

  1. Gotten shit-faced drunk
  2. Gotten more than a little tipsy, actually
  3. Smoked
  4. Tried drugs
  5. Sought revenge
  6. Cussed out my mother
  7. Cheated on a partner
  8. Had a one-night stand
  9. Had sex in a car
  10. Videotaped myself having sex
  11. Had friendsex
  12. Written slash
  13. Trolled a message board
  14. Mail-bombed someone
  15. Trashed anything
  16. Graffiti’d anything
  17. Anything illegal, actually, come to think of it….

Weird Bottled Sodas and Things THTM Bought For Mommy’s Birthday Party:

  1. Cool Mountain Watermelon Soda
  2. Bubble-Up
  3. Grape Crush
  4. Frostie Blue Cream Soda
  5. Rat Bastard Root Beer
  6. Sprecher Orange Dream
  7. Cock & Bull Ginger Beer
  8. San Pellegrino Limonata
  9. Dr Pepper
  10. Henry Weinhard's Root Beer
  11. AJ Stephans Raspberry Lime Rickey
  12. Doc Brown’s “Cel-Ray” Celery
  13. Boylan's Ginger Ale
  14. Grand Teton Bitch Creek Beer

Favorite Out-of-Context Quotes from Showgirls:

  1. The show’s called “Goddess,” not “Classes.” See ya.
  2. You are a whore, darlin'.
  3. It must be weird, not having anybody come on you.
  4. She misses us like I miss that lump on my twat I had taken off last week.
  5. What are these, watermelons? This is a stage, babe, it's not a patch. See ya.
  6. I like having nice tits.
  7. I'm gettin' a little too old for that whorey look.
  8. You got something wrong with your nipples? …Play with ‘em, stick ‘em up a little.
  9. Man, everybody got AIDS and shit!
  10. I'm watching you be a prick.
  11. They don't want to fuck a Penny, dum dum! They want to fuck a Hope!
  12. She looks better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!
  13. Different places!
  14. I don't know how good you are, darlin', and I don't know what it is you're good at, but if it's at the Cheetah, it's not dancing, I know that much.
  15. Yeah, you got that down, so back off, motherfucker!
  16. Honey, you could never handle me with all these wrinkles of fat. Why, you'd never find the thing! I'd have to piss on you to give you a clue.
  17. You burn when you dance.
  18. Come back when you've fucked some of this baby fat off. See ya.
  19. This isn't champagne… this… is holy water!
  20. I bought it at Ver-sayce.
  21. The Farmer in the Dell, the Farmer in the Dell, I had a cherry, once and now it's gone to hell!
  22. Nomi’s got heat.
  23. Dancing ain't fucking.
  24. Can you spell M.G.M. backwards? I bet you can't.
  25. You can fuck me when you love me.
  26. “I used to love Doggy Chow.” “I used to love Doggy Chow, too!”
  27. What's that? More wisdom?
  28. I liked it when you came. I liked your eyes.
  29. There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you.
  30. Thanks for the hamburger!

Stuff That’s In My Purse

  1. My Barbie wallet
  2. House keys on a Happy Lucky Cat keychain from Chinatown
  3. Car keys on a Duran Duran Astronaut keychain
  4. Keys to the English Department on a 90210 keychain
  5. My passport
  6. A Barnes & Noble gift card
  7. My gym membership card
  8. A months-old movie ticket stub for The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
  9. My phone
  10. A receipt from a Starbucks in the Houston airport
  11. An envelope with stuff to mail to my school’s registrar
  12. A flyer with information for hiring Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine
  13. A piece of scrap paper with info for a book called Anna Dalkulla, A Swedish Maid From Dalarna
  14. A bottle of Aquify eye drops
  15. Four covered hair ties, two black, one brown, one pink
  16. A list of phone numbers of Betsy-Tacy contacts
  17. A small bottle of Tylenol
  18. Dramamine
  19. Immodium AD
  20. Purell hand sanitizer
  21. Spare contact lenses
  22. Altoids mints and gum, both peppermint
  23. A mini-composition notebook
  24. A combo pen/nail-file/cuticle tool from the 99c Store that Kelly gave me, prolly the most handy thing I carry
  25. A Smashbox Photo-Matte compact in Light
  26. Burt’s Bees lip balm
  27. Nars’ Russian Doll lipstick
  28. Make Up For Ever T 39 lipstick
  29. Smith’s Rosebud Salve
  30. A lipgloss brush
  31. Benefit Eye Bright pencil
  32. Boscia green tea blotting papers
  33. A compact mirror/hairbrush
  34. Two honey-eucalyptus cough drops
  35. A small chunk of hematite
  36. $1.35 in assorted coins

iPod/music Playlists

  1. Teen Poo
  2. Rodney Bingenheimer
  3. New Wave
  4. Chicks
  5. Estrogen
  6. Skinny British Boys
  7. Eletronica
  8. Ear Crack
  9. Disco
  10. Literary Music
  11. Dirty Blues
  12. Sing-Along
  13. Betsy-Tacy and Tib
  14. Punk
  15. Lounge
  16. Schlock
  17. Flirting
  18. Rum Runner
  19. Hippies
  20. New York
  21. Los Angeles
  22. Afternoon Party
  23. Introspection
  24. Francais
  25. Sunday Music
  26. 20s and earlier
  27. Bad Party Toonz
  28. Smash Hits/Star Hits

Everyday Things that I Totally and Illogically Hate Doing

  1. Jogging/working out
  2. Shopping
  3. Trying on clothes
  4. Trying on shoes
  5. Shopping for anything but antiques, gourmet food or books, really
  6. Watching television
  7. Watering plants (I don’t mind pruning them, though)
  8. Putting away clean dishes from the dishwasher (I don’t mind doing them, though)
  9. Going to the ATM
  10. Going to the dry cleaner’s

Top Ten (Non-Duran) CDs I’d take to a Deserted Island

  1. Rubber Soul – The Beatles
  2. The Future – Leonard Cohen
  3. Shadowlands – k.d. lang
  4. Revolver – The Beatles
  5. Measure for Measure – Icehouse
  6. Memorial Beach – a-ha
  7. Nothing Like the Sun – Sting
  8. The Collection – Simon & Garfunkel (That’s kinda cheating, though)
  9. Lost in Space – Amiee Mann
  10. Lady in Satin – Billie Holiday

My Favorite Grubby T-Shirts That I Like To Wear at Home (i.e. emphatically NOT out in public! Well… usually not out in public):

  1. Chinese Food
  2. I *heart* Irony
  3. Shane Klingensmith: Big In Belgium!
  4. I Still Hate George W. Bush
  5. My Barbies are Lesbians
  6. A Premier Rice rice sack shirt
  7. Abortions Tickle! (I’m so glad I got this before T-Shirt Hell discontinued ‘em!)
  8. The Essay Contest
  9. Betsy Was a Junior
  10. Brooklyn
  11. Duran Duran: 1978
  12. I’m the Teenage Girl You Jerked Off in the Chatroom With
  13. Kaaaaaaaaahn!
  14. The Donnas
  15. Happy Bunny, “You Suck and That’s Sad”
  16. Marriage is a Civil Right
  17. Bitchin’ Camaro
  18. Xanadu (a gift from The Slacker Hacker after one of our Bad Movie Dates)
  19. Moog (The Slacker Hacker and I have matching ones)
  20. WWJD for a Klondike Bar?

Lists That I Currently Have In My List Notebook

  1. Songs Mentioned In The Betsy-Tacy Books
  2. Things to do Before Betsy-Tacy Research Trip
  3. Bands/CDs to Listen to/Purchase on Next Amoeba Records Trip
  4. Bad Movies to Watch with Bobby the Slacker Hacker
  5. Bad Names for Future Sims
  6. Clothing Items Needed
  7. Overdone/Overplayed 80s Songs
  8. Things I Can’t Live Without
  9. Stuff to Get at Hardware Store
  10. Small Stuff to have Contractor Do for Remodel
  11. Books to Order for Fall Semester


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