Favorite Out-of-Context Quotes from Little House on the Prairie:

1. My baby! My baby! My baby! AAARGH! My baby!
2. I’m here! I’m here! I’m here! I’m here!
3. You reap what you sow
4. Let it out, son! Let it all out!
5. Nels! Make her a widow!
6. Them’s snails!
7. Jezabel! Flauntin' yer flesh in temptation's raiment! You will burn! Oh yes, you will burn!
8. Monkey business, monkey business, monkey business!
9. She's a-losin’ her sight
10. He's quite smitten with me, I'm afraid.
11. Are you gonna call down the lightning, Miss Peal?!
12. I swear it to God!
13. Spectacles for Father.
14. “ My brother is going to die! Say it!” “My brother’s going to die!”
15. E-e-e-l-l-l-mer!
16. That's a real purty blind girl you got, Ingalls. Real purty.
17. I’m a woman! A WOMAN! And I hate you all!
18. I call him… Harve. He calls me… Eliza Jane.
19. You are a sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous.
20. Open up, boy! Let us see your teeth!
21. It’s okay Miz Oleson, black folks take baths too!
22. You a Jezebel, an' worse
23. Darn fool cow.

‘Fessing to All the Bad, Awful Things I’ve Done

1. Slapped someone in the face (Stepfather 2, but he smacked me first)
2. Hit someone upside the head
3. Stolen/stripped books from work, including a Norton Anthology I needed for class in undergrad
4. Sold things under the table at work (a pizza, museum admission) for the cash (when I was out of gas and needed gas money, but still!)
5. Cheated on a history test in high school by writing notes/dates on my hand
6. Cheated on a geometry test the same way.
7. Did a last-minute paper for a graduate class on academic semantics mostly from crap I culled from the Internet.
8. Ditched school once in 11 th grade
9. Threw a telephone into the wall.
10. Claimed to have lost a library book and paid the fine in order to keep it
11. Yelled at a drunk kid at a concert and knocked down his big-ass cups of beer
12. Returned books to the store for cash when I knew durned well I’d purchased them over a year ago
13. Used food from the trash can to make a pizza for a particularly hateful customer when I worked at Domino’s
14. Bounced checks
15. Had bad credit
16. Gotten multiple parking tickets (usually in NY or at school)
17. Quit a temp job once by just not showing up for work
18. Lied to my mommy about going to a friend’s, and spent the weekend with my h.s.b.f. instead
19. Punched my rear-view mirror after an altercation with a nasty meter-maid
20. Stole a cat collar from a stuffed cat at the toy story because I’d bought the same one and it didn’t have a collar! I felt so stricken with guilt, I threw it away in the backyard.
21. Posted to a relationship message board once claiming to be a psychologist-in-training

Bad and/or Naughty Things I’ve Never Done

1. Gotten shit-faced drunk
2. Gotten more than a little tipsy, actually
3. Smoked
4. Tried drugs
5. Sought revenge
6. Cussed out my mother
7. Cheated on a partner
8. Had a one-night stand
9. Had sex in a car
10. Videotaped myself having sex
11. Had friendsex
12. Written slash
13. Trolled a message board
14. Mail-bombed someone
15. Trashed anything
16. Graffiti’d anything
17. Anything illegal, actually, come to think of it….

Weird Bottled Sodas and Things THTM Bought For Mommy’s Birthday Party:

1. Cool Mountain Watermelon Soda
2. Bubble-Up
3. Grape Crush
4. Frostie Blue Cream Soda
5. Rat Bastard Root Beer
6. Sprecher Orange Dream
7. Cock & Bull Ginger Beer
8. San Pellegrino Limonata
9. Dr Pepper
10. Henry Weinhard's Root Beer
11. AJ Stephans Raspberry Lime Rickey
12. Doc Brown’s “Cel-Ray” Celery
13. Boylan's Ginger Ale
14. Grand Teton Bitch Creek Beer

Favorite Out-of-Context Quotes from Showgirls:

1. The show’s called “Goddess,” not “Classes.” See ya.
2. You are a whore, darlin'.
3. It must be weird, not having anybody come on you.
4. She misses us like I miss that lump on my twat I had taken off last week.
5. What are these, watermelons? This is a stage, babe, it's not a patch. See ya.
6. I like having nice tits.
7. I'm gettin' a little too old for that whorey look.
8. You got something wrong with your nipples? …Play with ‘em, stick ‘em up a little.
9. Man, everybody got AIDS and shit!
10. I'm watching you be a prick.
11. They don't want to fuck a Penny, dum dum! They want to fuck a Hope!
12. She looks better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!
13. Different places!
14. I don't know how good you are, darlin', and I don't know what it is you're good at, but if it's at the Cheetah, it's not dancing, I know that much.
15. Yeah, you got that down, so back off, motherfucker!
16. Honey, you could never handle me with all these wrinkles of fat. Why, you'd never find the thing! I'd have to piss on you to give you a clue.
17. You burn when you dance.
18. Come back when you've fucked some of this baby fat off. See ya.
19. This isn't champagne… this… is holy water!
20. I bought it at Ver-sayce.
21. The Farmer in the Dell, the Farmer in the Dell, I had a cherry, once and now it's gone to hell!
22. Nomi’s got heat.
23. Dancing ain't fucking.
24. Can you spell M.G.M. backwards? I bet you can't.
25. You can fuck me when you love me.
26. “I used to love Doggy Chow.” “I used to love Doggy Chow, too!”
27. What's that? More wisdom?
28. I liked it when you came. I liked your eyes.
29. There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you.
30. Thanks for the hamburger!

Stuff That’s In My Purse

1. My Barbie wallet
2. House keys on a Happy Lucky Cat keychain from Chinatown
3. Car keys on a Duran Duran Astronaut keychain
4. Keys to the English Department on a 90210 keychain
5. My passport
6. A Barnes & Noble gift card
7. My gym membership card
8. A months-old movie ticket stub for The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
9. My phone
10. A receipt from a Starbucks in the Houston airport
11. An envelope with stuff to mail to my school’s registrar
12. A flyer with information for hiring Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine
13. A piece of scrap paper with info for a book called Anna Dalkulla, A Swedish Maid From Dalarna
14. A bottle of Aquify eye drops
15. Four covered hair ties, two black, one brown, one pink
16. A list of phone numbers of Betsy-Tacy contacts
17. A small bottle of Tylenol
18. Dramamine
19. Immodium AD
20. Purell hand sanitizer
21. Spare contact lenses
22. Altoids mints and gum, both peppermint
23. A mini-composition notebook
24. A combo pen/nail-file/cuticle tool from the 99c Store that Kelly gave me, prolly the most handy thing I carry
25. A Smashbox Photo-Matte compact in Light
26. Burt’s Bees lip balm
27. Nars’ Russian Doll lipstick
28. Make Up For Ever T 39 lipstick
29. Smith’s Rosebud Salve
30. A lipgloss brush
31. Benefit Eye Bright pencil
32. Boscia green tea blotting papers
33. A compact mirror/hairbrush
34. Two honey-eucalyptus cough drops
35. A small chunk of hematite
36. $1.35 in assorted coins

iPod/music Playlists

1. Teen Poo
2. Rodney Bingenheimer
3. New Wave
4. Chicks
5. Estrogen
6. Skinny British Boys
7. Eletronica
8. Ear Crack
9. Disco
10. Literary Music
11. Dirty Blues
12. Sing-Along
13. Betsy-Tacy and Tib
14. Punk
15. Lounge
16. Schlock
17. Flirting
18. Rum Runner
19. Hippies
20. New York
21. Los Angeles
22. Afternoon Party
23. Introspection
24. Francais
25. Sunday Music
26. 20s and earlier
27. Bad Party Toonz
28. Smash Hits/Star Hits

Everyday Things that I Totally and Illogically Hate Doing

1. Jogging/working out
2. Shopping
3. Trying on clothes
4. Trying on shoes
5. Shopping for anything but antiques, gourmet food or books, really
6. Watching television
7. Watering plants (I don’t mind pruning them, though)
8. Putting away clean dishes from the dishwasher (I don’t mind doing them, though)
9. Going to the ATM
10. Going to the dry cleaner’s

Top Ten (Non-Duran) CDs I’d take to a Deserted Island

1. Rubber Soul – The Beatles
2. The Future – Leonard Cohen
3. Shadowlands – k.d. lang
4. Revolver – The Beatles
5. Measure for Measure – Icehouse
6. Memorial Beach – a-ha
7. Nothing Like the Sun – Sting
8. The Collection – Simon & Garfunkel (That’s kinda cheating, though)
9. Lost in Space – Amiee Mann
10. Lady in Satin – Billie Holiday

My Favorite Grubby T-Shirts That I Like To Wear at Home (i.e. emphatically NOT out in public! Well… usually not out in public):

1. Chinese Food
2. I *heart* Irony
3. Shane Klingensmith: Big In Belgium!
4. I Still Hate George W. Bush
5. My Barbies are Lesbians
6. A Premier Rice rice sack shirt
7. Abortions Tickle! (I’m so glad I got this before T-Shirt Hell discontinued ‘em!)
8. The Essay Contest
9. Betsy Was a Junior
10. Brooklyn
11. Duran Duran: 1978
12. I’m the Teenage Girl You Jerked Off in the Chatroom With
13. Kaaaaaaaaahn!
14. The Donnas
15. Happy Bunny, “You Suck and That’s Sad”
16. Marriage is a Civil Right
17. Bitchin’ Camaro
18. Xanadu (a gift from The Slacker Hacker after one of our Bad Movie Dates)
19. Moog (The Slacker Hacker and I have matching ones)
20. WWJD for a Klondike Bar?

Lists That I Currently Have In My List Notebook

1. Songs Mentioned In The Betsy-Tacy Books
2. Things to do Before Betsy-Tacy Research Trip
3. Bands/CDs to Listen to/Purchase on Next Amoeba Records Trip
4. Bad Movies to Watch with Bobby the Slacker Hacker
5. Bad Names for Future Sims
6. Clothing Items Needed
7. Overdone/Overplayed 80s Songs
8. Things I Can’t Live Without
9. Stuff to Get at Hardware Store
10. Small Stuff to have Contractor Do for Remodel
11. Books to Order for Fall Semester

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